Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
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12:25 am
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so basically.
life is this repetitive sequence of
useless drama.
i liked a boy,
who payed no attention to me.
& now i dont want him,
& the only thing i hear out of his mouth is,
i want you, so bad.
like, uhm.
WHY DOES THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN?
so now i want a boy,
whos been in an 8 month relationship.
uhm, yeah.
there is no way im going to even try fucking with it,
because i wont win in the end anyways.
and i wouldnt fuck love up.
fuck doooood. guys suck.
oh, & work is a joke.
the end.
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Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
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3:01 am
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i just realized...you were the best i have ever had. and that truly, makes me so sad.
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Friday, December 31st, 2004
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9:08 am
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so another longgg day at workkk is planned.
if you're cool, you'll come and visit me.
Jannnsss movie theatre.
i work from 12 to 8..
fjkasjfkasfjkasjf
BE THERE.
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Friday, December 24th, 2004
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3:30 am
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i'm beginning to grow up.
you know, learning to love the ones i used to hate.
they've affected on who i am as a person
more then anyone else...
i'm widening my horizons.
accepting new things.
meeting new people.
& trying to give myself more credit,
than i usually do.
life is so depressing sometimes.
& in the end, only you can choose
to feel the way you do.
& after all the shit ive been through lately,
i need to give myself credit.
after reading all of your journal entrys,
most of you sell yourself short.
& half of us, are so caught up with the thought 'life sucks'
that we begin to stop putting in effort.
there are too many cute girls out there,
to feel too shitty to put makeup on in the morning and nice clothes.
there are too many times you will be fucked over,
to dwell on any specific time you are.
there are way too many nice hott boys that will treat you right,
while your wasting time on that one who does you all wrong.
think about it.
life is what you make of it.
so make it good.
& as for me, i'm around.
& David Clarke, i'll always love you.
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3:07 am
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alot has happened.
i'm not who i used to be.
drugs arent me anymore.
i got expelled from conejo.
i hate everyone with a few exceptions.
i work at the janss movie theatre.
sweeping popcorn is hard work nigga.
i eat alot.
& i have adjusted to liking myself.
& i dont have to prove anything to anyone.
the end.
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Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
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3:43 pm
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I'm sure you'll all be glad knowing that my crackass has been sobering up. it was 9 days, i fucked up and now i've been 10 days sober. only weeeeeeeed & downers. but i havent done much of that anyways.
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Saturday, September 25th, 2004
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9:56 am
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so much has happened.
Nikole has vanished, soon to move out of state. away from the cops i suppose.
Crystal&Claude's mom is getting the head sheriff/cop/detective person thing of drugs, gangs, & violence to question me. & harass me. & get me in trouble. & maybe drug test me. & scare me.....i hope he doesn't like arrest me. cause anything i do reveal will be used the fuck against me.
HANNAH IS MY FAVORITE EVER!!!!!
Fuck fags who rat people out to make themselves look better when they do the same exact shit. FUCK TERRY SHOOK.
Happy 23d Brian!!!!!
ew. my mom like, came clean about me and drugs. she now thinks i smoke weed on a daily basis. ha
KODIEEE IS WAY HOTTTT.
i don't like this weather change. its like, cold now. ew. make it stop.
i need a fucking cigarette.
my eyes look like they are falling off the side of my face.
i'm going to stop wearing so much eyeliner.
i eat lots, and don't feel shitty over it anymore.
tomorrow is clothesjacking day at the mall with Hannah.
& like, today i think im going to Mark's house. yum.
there is more, im just fucking brain dead and dont remember shit.
loves it.
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Sunday, September 19th, 2004
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10:35 pm
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a dealer is in love with me. a girl tried to rape me two nights ago saying "please let me eat you out" every 2 minutes and kissing me n shit. dont believe me? ask ashley. & today has been by far, not good. & jake is, amazing.
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Saturday, September 18th, 2004
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8:27 pm
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i am a very selfish and disappointing person. i usually get what i want. but DON'T EVER assume you'll get shit from me. because if you do, you'll be angrier than when you started, because you probably wont have it when you're done.
some people are really starting to fuck up.
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Thursday, September 16th, 2004
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12:19 pm - wow
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the scariest thing just happened....like...me and ashley were in my backyarddd smoking a ciggy. you know, the usual. and all of a sudden we look up and a big red penis is drifting by in the air. we almost died of a heart attack. like, wow. and the further away it travleed....it like transformed into the fucking devil. not only is my sky a perv, its possessed as well. ew.
ohhh...& i swear we arent crazy...or are we?
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11:04 am
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so like, thanks to the jews we have no school today. lovely isn't it?
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Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
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7:35 pm
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today wasnt quite as bad as yesterday. wow okay not nearly as bad at all.
it was kinda fun. like girlsssstime.
Ashley&Jessicaaa&Me..its cute. yay.
so like...i feel really kinda sick right now.
& me and ashley and my mommy are getting PIZZA.
yeah, we will become fat let me tell you. it better be worth it.
& school has been gay. but in a fun way. you know.
& this boy is SO FUCKING CUTE. ew dude.
what the fuck do i do?
whatever. i'm a mother fuckin playa.
so like...im bored and want a trampoline.
me n ashley are going out again
byeee
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6:08 am
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EW. i fucking hate getting up early for something as lame as school.
& these faggots actually expect us to work at fucking 8 in the morning?
what the fuck. my brain hasn't even begun to turn on for learn mode.
ew. so like, yesterday me & ashley had one of the WORST DAYS EVER. yeah. suck it. fuck everyone who made it so terrible. KaRmA bitches, watch the fuck out. OHHH. i love ashley. & i'm...gaining some odd interest in a couplllleee new boys. ew. so fucking sue me.
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Saturday, September 11th, 2004
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3:36 pm
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Ewww. so like, i got accepted into continuation ONCE AGAIN! yay im excited...I guess i start Monday, & like supposedly if i am late ONE day, or dont go to school ONE DAY; they kick me the fuck out. so FUCKING sue me. whatev. i'm a ballaaaaaa. & right now, im leaving for Ashleyyyy's...i want butane. HAHAHA.
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Friday, September 10th, 2004
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5:12 pm
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go fucking kill yourself.
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Thursday, September 9th, 2004
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10:36 pm
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...i haven't eaten in so long, & today i just decide to eat for a family of 12..
i think i like feeling hungry more than feeling full.
actually, i like it alot better.
oh yeah, and its really disgusting the way people say they love each other after 4 days of going out. & even the day they start going out they say they love each other, when they've met two weeks prior.
people like that should seriously kill themselves. OH, if i had a gun id be happy enough to do it for them.
fucking hookers.
you bitches are getting dumber everyday, i dont even know what to do anymore.
i'm not going to last much fucking longer.
ew.
"& if he cant learn to love ya, you should leave him. Cuz sista you don't need him"
I wish i was capable. Tupac is a very smart man.
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Wednesday, September 8th, 2004
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2:21 pm
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everything is pretty much back to normal.
me&ashley are best friends once again, we found out that most of that emptyness in us, was the loss of each other.
& NIKOLE is one of my favoritest people ever. especially when you trip in the mall thinking everyone with the same cell phone ring, is the same person transforming and following you. its pretty cool.
& i met another love of my life HANNAH. yeah, i love her. you should too.
i also aknowledge the fact that everyone has an addiction.
whether it is to drugs, alcohol, compliments, food....whatever. it is their addiction & should not be critisized for it. because in reality, they probably don't want to be addicted to it in the first place, it is something you truly cannot control. & whether what your addicted to isn't as bad as what i'm addicted to, the rule is still the same. YOU HAVE AN ADDICTION, & YOU AREN'T IN CONTROL ANYMORE.
so stop with the shit talking.
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Friday, September 3rd, 2004
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10:42 pm - ew
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I've decided to post a song everyday into here, that relates to me in someway, that day.
So today, this is the song.
♥[[[BANE]]]♥
Count Me Out
I can still see the reasons that I opened my eyes to this scene in the first place
I can still feel my beliefs growing stronger everyday
I can still count the ways
But for you it's all over
The meaning is gone and your moving on and tearing us down with you
You've shed your past - Grown up fast
Demanding that we all mature at your pace
But here I remain refusing to change
Remembering when we were the same
I support your decision I believe in change and hope you find just what it is that you are looking for
But when you sit around and talk shit about everything you once based your whole life on - That is where you can count me out
COUNT ME OUT
Because I will be here tomorrow and I will be here NEXT YEAR
Just like this X on the back of my hand
I'm not going nowhere.
It's amazing how hXc music explains my life like a story.
whatev.
OHOH. i smoked a cigarette with my mom today, actually an hour ago.
it was quite an interesting experience.
don't try it at home.
ha.
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2:51 pm - My Birthday
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Today is my BIRTHDAY.
oh yay.
Happy Birthday to me.
i think today is going to suck.
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Thursday, September 2nd, 2004
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8:08 pm
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oooooh.
i got kicked out of continuation today.
this fucking suckkkkkkkks.
i have to be transferred.
& i saw him today.
it fucking sucked ass.
everyone sucks, i need a cigarette.
& i love how boys are so fucking shady.
you fuckers can suck it.
i need to find a nice boy.
a non tweaker.
wow.
my birthday is tomorrow.
what a fun day that should be.
YEAH RIGHT.
on a higher note, i love Courtney Maltz.
& thats about it.
oh oh, i've been fucked over twice in one week
by the same person over the same person.
girls suck.
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